Schmonzcast #15: Last night was the 28th Annual Alfred Joyce Kilmer Memorial Bad Poetry Contest. Since discovering it (and the Philolexian Society) as a Columbia freshman in 2005, I've attended every year save one. In my statesmanlike role as a past laureate, it is de rigueur that I reliably make a good showing. Here's the text of my entry and the audio of my performance.

On The Late Elinor Ostrom, Distinguished Professor At Indiana University, Which Is A University in Indiana, Which Is A Place That Exists, At Least Last I Checked, Which Illustrates The Epistemological Limits Placed On Human Knowledge Without Even Having Gotten Past The Title, So Check This, Because I'm About To Blow The Goddamn Doors Off Your Mind: A Premeditated Improvisation

by Amitai Schlair, GS '09, 2007 Poet Laureate

(inspired by “An Untitled Poem” by Everett Patterson, CC '06, 2003-04 Poet Laureate)

Elinor Ostrom
Elinor Ostrom Ostrom

Elinor Ostrom, you were an economist
Milliner nostrum, willing colostrum
Toast in her oven, osh kosh b'gostrom,
Jellybean estrus, billionaire ostrich

Melon or onion? Colostomy instrument
Excrement increment, Pandora's boxtrom
Bloomington Bloomington Indianomically
Estimate, aestivate, inner astronomy

Elinor Ostrom, economostrum
Public choice theory phenomenostrom
Nobel Prize winner, per aspera ad astra
Elinor, add sarsaparilla to blossom

Elinor Ostrom, Elinor Ostrom,
Estrellanor Indianapolostrom
Anchorbutt rancorous wankernut rostrum
The budget shows us running Attention Deficit Disostrom

Elinor Ostrom, when you existed, you had been a person
So far as we know.