On my way downstairs to the conveniently in-house Dunkin Donuts establishment, I queried my coworkers regarding their extant pastry needs.

”Do you want anything from Dunkin Donuts?” I asked Pedro.

”I'm all set,” he replied.

”Do you want anything from Dunkin Donuts?” I asked Josh.

”No, I'm straight,” he replied.

As though only gay people could wish to procure anything from Dunkin Donuts. Of course, I soon realized this was some sort of weird slang.

When someone offers me something I don't want, I say “No, thank you.” The words are simple and convey a direct message. Has this now become weird? Does it make me sound like I'm from somewhere backward, or, like, what? Y'know?

I've been giving Pedro occasional Unix lessons. When he asks a practical question, I try to answer more than was asked, then let him answer the question himself. This takes longer, but is far more gratifying for me (and, I hope, for him). As of today, he knows basic shell scripting, including one of the hardest-to-understand concepts: how to use quotes. He's an unusual student for me, because he's not yet fluent in the words common to basic programming, but he thinks like a programmer. Which is analogous to my striving to become a Real Programmer: thinking like one, attempting to code like one, but not knowing how to talk like one.

I never expected to hear that my personal life takes priority over my work, but I heard it today — from one of my four coworkers. Okay, call my priorities out of whack if you must, but in the opposite direction. Perhaps I should work less. Danny reminded me to maintain my usual sense of perspective. Good advice.

I then entered into an “interview” of sorts with Nathan, which consisted mainly of him asking me to design a simple text editor, then mainly listening to me think out loud. It was the most intellectual stimulation I've had in a long time. I don't often get to design software at the Jolt: I'm usually fixing broken implementations of broken designs. This was the most in-depth discussion of software design I'd ever had. It left me thrilled. Giddy.

Nathan says that, in his work, he does this kind of stuff all day.

The roller coaster ride continued when I stopped at the Star Market on my way home to pick up a couple PowerBars for my morning workout, and saw Max Lieblich. Max Lieblich is not a new flavor of PowerBar, but rather a friend and high school classmate. We were on the math team and in the orchestra together, and he helped me get up to speed on calculus after my three-month hiatus. He went to Harvard and became the president of the math club there, and now he's a graduate student at MIT, studying algebraic geometry. As he explained it, this means studying geometric concepts in algebraic form, which — to an erstwhile math guy like me — sounded fascinating. I hope to see Max again soon and fill in the gaps from high school to now. And maybe learn some math!

Oddly, with my emotions roiling from the day's large ups and down, I saw clearly the path that my life has followed since I started college wanting to be a programmer. First, instead of attending to my studies, I studied Unix. Then, because my grades were poor, I left school. Because I left school, I had to get a job. Because I had learned some Unix, I got a job at OhioOnline. Because of my job at OhioOnline, I learned some programming concepts and techniques. Because of what I learned at OOI, I got a job at the Jolt. And though these years have not followed what most people would call the shortest path, my next job (whatever and whenever it might be) will be as a programmer. I will have achieved what I set out — albeit blindly, forced into more difficult circumstances by my own choices — to achieve. Further, by taking this convoluted route, I also came to understand far more about myself and about the world, far sooner, than otherwise would have been possible.

I like to finish what I start. But not if the frustration outweighs the satisfaction. I have a responsibility to myself, too.