Then and now
A few years ago, after a long stretch of not feeling heard in my job, I resolved to change that, starting with getting a different kind of job. Then I started attending conferences, making Agile in 3 Minutes, and appearing on Agile for Humans and other podcasts. Finally, I found myself at many of the same conferences as a speaker, sometimes even by invitation.
This took a nonzero amount of luck and a lot of effort. I put in the effort because, as a human being, I needed to feel heard at work. If you’re reading this, odds are you’re a human being with the same need.
Today I expect that I can mostly get myself listened to, and am surprised (and indirectly, gratified) on the rare occasions when I can’t. Compared to myself a few years ago, I feel relieved, empowered, and a little scared. Scared? Yeah, sometimes. When folks are apparently much more inclined to try as I suggest, it becomes much more important that I suggest wisely.
Them and me
My path here was, and is, smoother than others’. One way I’ve come to understand this: when I go to conferences, the worst I ever feel (or expect to feel) is introvert-overwhelmed. It happens. I have to strategize what to do when I notice my tank is running low, or when I’ve failed to notice for too long. Either way, it can usually be as simple as going back to my hotel room.
Another way I’ve come to understand this: when I go back to my room, I’ve never been followed there, or been creeped on or harassed in any number of other ways. So I’ve neither had to deal with those things as they’re happening, nor had to decide whether I’m going to sign myself up to strategize how I’ll deal with those things happening again.
Finally, and most clearly, I’ve come to understand this by hearing from people who are no longer willing to attend a conference unless it has a Code of Conduct. I haven’t experienced what they have, so I’m still willing to go, I think (it’s been a while since I had to choose). The thought that I’m able to feel comfortable in a place where others might not be makes me wonder: when I’m there, what I can do about it?
I’ve started doing a small thing.
Me and you
If you’re in a position like mine — where you’re listened to and heard — you have currency. I’d like to suggest a small investment you can make with it.
When you’re presenting at a conference, spend three of your minutes giving a quick overview of the Code of Conduct that’s in effect:
- Where to find it
- What it can and can’t do
- Key examples of language to look for
- Some ramifications for the audience and the conference as a whole
If the conference doesn’t have a Code of Conduct, say that out loud, along with this one weird ramification: some of the people we could have learned the most from aren’t here.
If the conferences where you’re speaking are technical and/or Agile, you can relate all of this to TDD and/or BDD, and encourage folks to pair afterward on example scenarios for shared understanding.
Invest wisely
Why do I suggest this? Because in my limited experience of not being listened to, followed by being frighteningly well listened to, I can begin to guess what it’s like to be frightened of worse things and then of not being listened to about them. And I can begin to guess, when humans want to add to our communities and we don’t take small chances to try to include them, how much the rest of us lose.
If you have currency, consider making a small investment. The returns may surprise us all.
Steal freely
Here’s the text of the slides I’ve been using for my last several presentations (example). The content is licensed CC-BY-4.0 or in the public domain, whichever you prefer.
Copy, modify, and present as you wish. Please share what you learn!
As a former conference organizer, long time speaker and attendee, I have to respectfully disagree. Several aspects come in to play for my rationale:
1 Codes of Conduct do not protect anyone from the bad things bad people will do. Two specific examples from conferences where CoCs were implemented: In 2014(ish) an attendee at an Atlanta conference was raped. In 2013 an attendee at CodeMash was sexually assaulted. Other examples exist.
2 Codes of Conduct can open up liability for conference organizers and staff. There is an expectation pushed by the most vocal CoC extremists (I’m sorry. I don’t have a better way to describe the group.) that Conference staff must handle incidents where assaults may or may not have occurred, literally in some cases bypassing law enforcement. I say this from direct, personal experience as a conference organizer. This removes due process for both the victim and accused. It also puts Conference staff in the position of potentially handling something that must be handled by law enforcement.
3 The “I won’t attend a conference without a CoC” mindset, in my experience, has been blown up not by people feeling minimized or unsafe, but by militants like Shanley Kane and Ashe Dryden as an exercise of their own power. Again, I relate this from direct, personal experience.
4 The CoC militants demand CoCs they approve of and castigate conferences with “unapproved” Codes which don’t meet their own criteria. Again, sadly, direct and personal experience found my position here.
5 One large conference I helped organize ran years without a CoC. I implemented one after direct conversations with a woman who was put in an uncomfortable position by an idiot who was borderline groping her. I went back and forth with her on terminology and process while drafting the CoC along with input from a wide range of others. After an incident of sexual assault years later the same woman, along with others, castigated me for not having a good enough CoC.
I apologize for the War and Peace length diatribe here, but I wanted to lay out a fact-based list of experiences.
Great conferences exist without CoCs, yet provide a safe, welcoming environment. One of the best conferences in the world runs as such. The organizer also lives in fear that the CoC militants will launch a “DON’T ATTEND !” campaign.
I see your point Jim. However I am one of the people who insist on a code of conduct AND an organisation that upholds it. I would not call myself militant in any way; it is just one way that I as a speaker can say “I expect you to create a safe environmemt” There is much more to safety, I agree with that, and a CoC does not protect from stupid harrasments. It does state that this conference cares about it and takes it seriously, which is sadly needed with the amount of people being harrased. Not only does it say to the potential harraser that it is not acceptable, it also tells the victims “when something happens, we are here to help”. Last year an incident happened at a conference, where the organisor emphasized every morning that they took CoC very serious, and that if people felt that it was too much, they could get their money back on the way out. So no it is not enough. I have yet to find a better tool so for now I insist on this. It would be easier if people just behaved, but….
As a current conference organizer and speaker I agree with many of Jim’s points.
To take this further.
With Jim’s point number 3 I’ve had conversations with organizers who said that the only reason that they had a COC was because some sponsors required that they have one. With that being said it was very apparent that they were going through the motions and if there had been an incident I don’t think the COC would have helped.
Point #4 in Jim’s response is something I’ve also personally witnessed.
I’m saying all of this as someone who strongly supports what I believe to be the original spirit of a code of conduct, which is to prevent some things that had been happening at conferences that were inappropriate. IE: Sexualized images, people getting drunk and too friendly with people of the opposite sex, harassing people etc.. None of these behaviors have any place in a professional setting.
The problem as I see it is that, sadly, these codes of conduct have begun to reach into areas that reach beyond these initial goals due to the strong agendas of the vocal extremists that have been pushing for their specific codes of conduct over other ones. I also personally know of cases where a woman have been banned from women in tech groups without ever having actually violated the codes of conduct. No reason was given as to why and one of the extremist COC advocates was involved with some of the bannings. I’ve also personally been in conversations, both online and in person with some of these extremist COC people where they were openly talking about ways to exclude religious conservatives (for the record I am a centrist) and people with political beliefs different from their own. The other issue is most don’t provide any accommodations for people on the autistic spectrum. How do you help an autistic person who may be easily mis-interpreted due to their condition?
Is a code of conduct bad, no. If it’s not abused the way some of the extreme activists have done, it can be a very positive thing. But the problem is that this movement has become co-opted (maybe even from the beginning) by some people who are using it to drive a specific political agenda. For example when a code of conduct, which is meant to protect under-represented people in tech, is used to discriminate against under-represented people in tech by other under-represented people (I’ve seen this happen) it sets the entire thing back. So on one hand you’ve made some under-represented people feel more comfortable, on the other hand you have actually made things worse and less welcoming for others who are also under-represented.
Brining this back to my own experience. I know a significant number of women and men who support diversity and having a safe experience for people at conferences, but are leery of the Codes of Conduct due to their experiences and observations which are often similar to mine and Jim’s. I’ve also seen some people, including underrepresented people, quietly stop supporting diversity efforts because of bad experiences with bad actors that are part of it. We all want diversity in tech, but the sad reality is that despite the large sums of money that have been spent on the efforts I’ve had trouble finding any solid, verifiable data to indicate that things are getting better, in fact some reports seem to indicate that things are getting worse.
I think we all agree that we want to improve diversity, the question is, based on what it has become in many cases is it the right tool if used correctly? If the abuse in the name of the COC’s doesn’t stop, even if we do end up discovering through data that it is effective, that abuse could and has undermined it’s goals and efficacy.
@Nativewired: I’m sorry I didn’t make my point about CoCs and militants clearer. I tried to frame it that much of the initial impetus of “Don’t attend unless there’s a CoC” was started, and blown out of proportion IMO, by a small, vocal crowd.
I realize and respect there are others with that mindset who aren’t militant. Unfortunately, folks with that mindset lose out on participating in some wonderful conferences which thoughtfully choose not to have a CoC yet emphatically set the expectation of a safe atmosphere that promotes learning, participation, and open discussion.
I disagree they’re a useful tool. I am fine with you thinking they are. Cheers.
@jim Thanks for elaborating And you made me reflect - so if I am contacted by a conference without a code of conduct, I will consider it
Yes we sometimes have a small group who shout loud and set the tone. I have not (yet?) met any of the CoC militants.
I am not sure what tools we can use though… Something needs to be done.